I've been very very busy with a lot of personal matters that i haven't had time to really blog or type anything worth mentioning, for that i apologize. Yes i have gotten some of your emails and sms's and the only explanation is i'm tired =) haha.

Well i hope every single one of you guys are well and safely doing fine out there, life sad to say isn't like it was back in those old simple school days, regardless of where you are or what you do, somewhere along the line you would had probably used the phrase " Hey how did i get here so fast? what now?!?!" ...........well life's a bitch and you gotta step up to the game or get played. silly and corny yea? but seriously true. Don't fuck it up you only got 1 chance.

Speaking of 1 chance, I've been spending my time more wisely, using it well for the family, playing my instruments, singing, cooking, sports, and being a good and close friend to many out there. I've come to realize after the death of a friend recently that life is too short. I have a friend lying in hospital now too, and i just learned that she's in ICU with some kinda of disease with low immune system and fever, i can't even go in and hold her hand, it's saddening. All i can do is keep her in prayer and hope that GOD will see things true as he has always done for me.
People always say that i have a lot of friends, but i come to realized that it's not entirely true, you can have many friends but how many close friends do you actually have? Those who will share your stories with you and stick with you through thick and thin? Now that is a friend, a mere few.that i will confide in, trust.

I have grieved enough for days and it's time to stop finding excuses and blaming it on my dearly diseased friend, it's time i start eating properly and not starving myself too. I had lost 4 KGS due to my temporary state of depression. I'm fine now and i'm moving on.

Once again thanks everyone for all the support, and pls keep them coming. Do not hesitate to every sms/call/msn me, i look forward to it.

with love
Cho...

thanks

There was a time for tears and sorrows but that shit it totally out the window. I would like to thank everyone for all the messages and calls and even the surprise hugs and handshakes if you saw me by coincidence. I'm doing good now and it's time i get back on track. Thanks again =)

Loosing Control

There's so much going on lately that i just don't know how to describe in a paragraph or in a composition. The common phrase, "God works in mysterious ways," just doesn't make sense, why hurt those who are pure and innocent, what have they done seriously? I looked into my friend's mother eyes and i saw that look i know all too well. So God, please tell me and explain to me what is your plan, cause i need to know right now more then ever....
    On a different note, I've hurt someone i care about, and all she did was care about me in her own way. She's well, Special, i've never met someone who was closely similar to me in certain ways and a face i couldn't read instantly. I was a train wreck and i couldn't bare waiting so long for her sms/call. So i snapped when she finally replied. I've spent the entire day kicking myself hating myself for that stupid action. I'm not that kinda person, i never was, but over the period of weeks with situations and issues happening simultaneously, i've lost control over my body and emotions. I've even put on weight, 2KGS of it. I just wish i could take back all that i said or did, i wish i could see her or rewind to the days where we had hourly conversations on a daily basis throughout the night and the simple pleasures of pizza whilst watching a movie.
     I have so many bills on my plate the last few weeks some accounting to over $1000, with every dollar gone, is a step i am further away from UNI or Cooking/Business School. I can't even concentrate on the road whilst driving especially when i'm driving at work. It's only a matter of time before i hit a tree or something, better that then a person. I think i've hit depression at the highest level, and i'm doing my utmost to make sure the family doesn't know. I just can't smile anymore, and i started puking out everything i eat. Still at the end of all that shit, some of which i can't mention, i still think of how i hurt this person today, i should had opened up to her when she asked, now it's too late, i've fucked up and i'm a mess. I have exams tomorrow and i cant be bothered about them any longer. i feel so pathetic typing all this personal shit here but i don't care what others think anymore........i feel like buying cigarettes and smoking away....

Last 2 weeks

Hey guys and gals, I'm so sorry, I've been super packed with my schedules lately and i know I haven't exactly had time for you mates all the time, i'm working on it believe me.

Firstly i would like to congratulate everyone on completing their exams and entering the new era termed, " HOLIDAYS." Isn't it the best feeling in the world waking up the next morning realizing that you don't have to go to school? But then again from my past experiences without exams to study for i'll be a little lost with all that free time, like where's the meaning or goal/task for the day. Thus a simple solution is get a job! Recently been offered a few jobs posts such as a tuition teacher for A level maths, cook at Shangri La Restaurant and the Tempanyaki post at Sakura Downtown East. All of which are suitable post for temporary jobs just that army doesn't permit. Sadly. I have to find other means of getting in more cash flow, of which i did nor will i disclose.

It's been a hectic 2 weeks with army, studies and hanging out with mates for parties, birthdays and luncheons/dinners. Been meeting a lot of new people and making new friends lately which is cool, some actually share common friends which i find too coincidental which is scary on all accounts based on the way we initially met. Oh oh oh! I almost forgot, i find this damn stupid...

 Last week was at a club with mates and i was hitting the beats on the dance floor as usual, then was dancing with random girls around me, nothing new right? practically normal. Then after a few songs i realized that one particular girl and her friend was staying with me throughout the songs. >>>>

Ok at this instance i'm like hey it's nothing, just someone keeps dancing don't worry about it. She starts getting too close and tries to kiss me.I stepped back knocking over a guy with a cigarette scalding my finger (it's gonna leave a tiny scar, bastards!), then i asked her, 

Mark            :      " Hey WTF?"

Club Girl      :      " What? " 

Mark           :      " What do you mean what? What the hell are you trying to do? " 

Club Girl      :      " I find you yummy, i want to kiss you "

Mark           :     " Sorry love, i'm not into that kinda shit "

Club Girl     :     " Ok i'm sorry, can i hug you? "

Mark           :    " No you can't, hey i got to go, nice dance."

SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! I hate it when people think that guys will go for anything, it's not the first time i've been approached for a quicky in the toilet or a nearby hotel or the "bring me home" phrase. I'm not that type of guy mate, although my face looks like a bit of a bad boy LOL. Although i'm single in a way, doesn't mean i'm desperate zZz....

The last one week since then one of her friends has been sms-ing me too, asking me how's my day and meet for lunch etc etc. I didn't know this girl who we swapped numbers were friends with the crazy bitch, big mistake i think. Then that her birthday just passed so let's go out and do something......This is the kinda shit that gets me pissed of especially when someone i just met is asking me out constantly and messaging me stupid stupid sms's constantly sia. There's a way for it to be done, but either way i have a strict policy, i will go out with you as friends but definitely not date anyone i just met and especially from a club. I thought girls only get this kinda attention, i'm a guy lol, but hey the attention although unwanted is something different, take it as a bad experience. lol....

Okoko so i'm tired and i've had like 3-4 parties this week, one chalet later today (sunday) and another on tuesday. I don't think i'm going to any. I'm tired and need my rest, and eating this kidna food is bad!!!!

One of my friends is in hospital, she had a seizure and the last few days her condition got worse, she's now in ICU and i'm prob gonna go see her again tonight. It's sad though, why these things happen to unexpectedly and to those who are healthy. She's like an angel, and she's been coming over a few weeks back for swimming and tanning. I pray that things work out to be fine.....

Suddenly lost the mood to study, but it has to be done, sian.

Happy birthday my dear friend.

Growing up back over there was sometimes a bit tough but you were always there to keep me in shape. We were the best buds always there for one another. Leaving Australia was one of the hardest things i had to endure at one point especially leaving you behind. But for the last few years you have always been with me deep down. Sentimental and silly i know but i really miss you so much. Today's your birthday and i can't stop missing you. I will visit your parents when i visit and i'll buy you the loveliest flowers money can buy. Tears will never bring you back to this world but i know the love i have for you will last all eternity.

Take care love.
Yours Always
Mark Gidwani

040410 1925 Hrs

Tuesday Yellows

Overall it was a nice day off for a change, had breakfast with cousin at 4am this morning, seriously like super tired once i hit the sack around 8am.

You guys ever get those feelings when you feel that your head is lying in bed but your body is out and lurking around hastily to come home? Well if you do let me know, i found the perfect remedy, try slices of lemon boiled in hot water with a pinch of sugar and a teabag. Yea it's something like ice lemon tea or some shit but seriously it's so much different when it's fresh off the stove.

With 4 hours of sleep, i somehow managed to meet up with Jasmine. Weeks ago she claims we haven't met up in like a year, then again with army, time flies in all directions and places you seriously do not wanna know. So i guess YOU kinda slipped off my mind love at that point <3. Well all in all a super good lunch in town followed by a movie at her place. Something different i guess, but after the first 40 mins i fell asleep in her room and her parents came home. LOL! jialat jialat. Well we're not exactly dating or are we? What was it you told your parents again for the quick getaway? HAHA! You should had just told them i was a male stripper or something, the sunglasses really suited the role perfectly babe.

After the ordeal anyways, the ride home was a killer. Rush hour and i'm on the train from West to EAST. SEriously i was frustrated and exhausted enough to literally fight for a seat, luckily i had a wall to lean on. Erm i mean sleep on, i slept standing up the whole 55 mins ride till Pasir Ris. Good thing i really live at the end of the line.

okok lets sum it up, thanks everyone for the well wishes, my cat is fine now and she's being lazily cute as can be, means she'll be fine haha. kk la i'm gonna sleep, i actually took the punching bag out and smacked the shit out of it once i got home earlier today. oh and if i don't reply my msn, i'm not home, sometimes i leave the computer on as i sync it up outside via network.

kk la time to slp. nitex
love you babe, thanks for today.
cho

Some people think they're better then everyone else, some even think that you would remain good friends with them as and when they please especially if they're best friends are neglecting them. Well guess what? I know when people i call friends do that and i know when some of you use me or when need my company, but hey i'm fine with it, just that i have no respect for you nor would i go out of my way to help you. So we can continue being friends but bare this in mind yea =)

My close friends know this and some of you should know as well, i don't take shit from anyone not even my own parents. That's me....