Monday, May 31, 2010
thanks
There was a time for tears and sorrows but that shit it totally out the window. I would like to thank everyone for all the messages and calls and even the surprise hugs and handshakes if you saw me by coincidence. I'm doing good now and it's time i get back on track. Thanks again =)
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Loosing Control
There's so much going on lately that i just don't know how to describe in a paragraph or in a composition. The common phrase, "God works in mysterious ways," just doesn't make sense, why hurt those who are pure and innocent, what have they done seriously? I looked into my friend's mother eyes and i saw that look i know all too well. So God, please tell me and explain to me what is your plan, cause i need to know right now more then ever....
On a different note, I've hurt someone i care about, and all she did was care about me in her own way. She's well, Special, i've never met someone who was closely similar to me in certain ways and a face i couldn't read instantly. I was a train wreck and i couldn't bare waiting so long for her sms/call. So i snapped when she finally replied. I've spent the entire day kicking myself hating myself for that stupid action. I'm not that kinda person, i never was, but over the period of weeks with situations and issues happening simultaneously, i've lost control over my body and emotions. I've even put on weight, 2KGS of it. I just wish i could take back all that i said or did, i wish i could see her or rewind to the days where we had hourly conversations on a daily basis throughout the night and the simple pleasures of pizza whilst watching a movie.
I have so many bills on my plate the last few weeks some accounting to over $1000, with every dollar gone, is a step i am further away from UNI or Cooking/Business School. I can't even concentrate on the road whilst driving especially when i'm driving at work. It's only a matter of time before i hit a tree or something, better that then a person. I think i've hit depression at the highest level, and i'm doing my utmost to make sure the family doesn't know. I just can't smile anymore, and i started puking out everything i eat. Still at the end of all that shit, some of which i can't mention, i still think of how i hurt this person today, i should had opened up to her when she asked, now it's too late, i've fucked up and i'm a mess. I have exams tomorrow and i cant be bothered about them any longer. i feel so pathetic typing all this personal shit here but i don't care what others think anymore........i feel like buying cigarettes and smoking away....
On a different note, I've hurt someone i care about, and all she did was care about me in her own way. She's well, Special, i've never met someone who was closely similar to me in certain ways and a face i couldn't read instantly. I was a train wreck and i couldn't bare waiting so long for her sms/call. So i snapped when she finally replied. I've spent the entire day kicking myself hating myself for that stupid action. I'm not that kinda person, i never was, but over the period of weeks with situations and issues happening simultaneously, i've lost control over my body and emotions. I've even put on weight, 2KGS of it. I just wish i could take back all that i said or did, i wish i could see her or rewind to the days where we had hourly conversations on a daily basis throughout the night and the simple pleasures of pizza whilst watching a movie.
I have so many bills on my plate the last few weeks some accounting to over $1000, with every dollar gone, is a step i am further away from UNI or Cooking/Business School. I can't even concentrate on the road whilst driving especially when i'm driving at work. It's only a matter of time before i hit a tree or something, better that then a person. I think i've hit depression at the highest level, and i'm doing my utmost to make sure the family doesn't know. I just can't smile anymore, and i started puking out everything i eat. Still at the end of all that shit, some of which i can't mention, i still think of how i hurt this person today, i should had opened up to her when she asked, now it's too late, i've fucked up and i'm a mess. I have exams tomorrow and i cant be bothered about them any longer. i feel so pathetic typing all this personal shit here but i don't care what others think anymore........i feel like buying cigarettes and smoking away....
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Last 2 weeks
Hey guys and gals, I'm so sorry, I've been super packed with my schedules lately and i know I haven't exactly had time for you mates all the time, i'm working on it believe me.
Firstly i would like to congratulate everyone on completing their exams and entering the new era termed, " HOLIDAYS." Isn't it the best feeling in the world waking up the next morning realizing that you don't have to go to school? But then again from my past experiences without exams to study for i'll be a little lost with all that free time, like where's the meaning or goal/task for the day. Thus a simple solution is get a job! Recently been offered a few jobs posts such as a tuition teacher for A level maths, cook at Shangri La Restaurant and the Tempanyaki post at Sakura Downtown East. All of which are suitable post for temporary jobs just that army doesn't permit. Sadly. I have to find other means of getting in more cash flow, of which i did nor will i disclose.
It's been a hectic 2 weeks with army, studies and hanging out with mates for parties, birthdays and luncheons/dinners. Been meeting a lot of new people and making new friends lately which is cool, some actually share common friends which i find too coincidental which is scary on all accounts based on the way we initially met. Oh oh oh! I almost forgot, i find this damn stupid...
Last week was at a club with mates and i was hitting the beats on the dance floor as usual, then was dancing with random girls around me, nothing new right? practically normal. Then after a few songs i realized that one particular girl and her friend was staying with me throughout the songs. >>>>
Ok at this instance i'm like hey it's nothing, just someone keeps dancing don't worry about it. She starts getting too close and tries to kiss me.I stepped back knocking over a guy with a cigarette scalding my finger (it's gonna leave a tiny scar, bastards!), then i asked her,
SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! I hate it when people think that guys will go for anything, it's not the first time i've been approached for a quicky in the toilet or a nearby hotel or the "bring me home" phrase. I'm not that type of guy mate, although my face looks like a bit of a bad boy LOL. Although i'm single in a way, doesn't mean i'm desperate zZz....
The last one week since then one of her friends has been sms-ing me too, asking me how's my day and meet for lunch etc etc. I didn't know this girl who we swapped numbers were friends with the crazy bitch, big mistake i think. Then that her birthday just passed so let's go out and do something......This is the kinda shit that gets me pissed of especially when someone i just met is asking me out constantly and messaging me stupid stupid sms's constantly sia. There's a way for it to be done, but either way i have a strict policy, i will go out with you as friends but definitely not date anyone i just met and especially from a club. I thought girls only get this kinda attention, i'm a guy lol, but hey the attention although unwanted is something different, take it as a bad experience. lol....
Okoko so i'm tired and i've had like 3-4 parties this week, one chalet later today (sunday) and another on tuesday. I don't think i'm going to any. I'm tired and need my rest, and eating this kidna food is bad!!!!
One of my friends is in hospital, she had a seizure and the last few days her condition got worse, she's now in ICU and i'm prob gonna go see her again tonight. It's sad though, why these things happen to unexpectedly and to those who are healthy. She's like an angel, and she's been coming over a few weeks back for swimming and tanning. I pray that things work out to be fine.....
Suddenly lost the mood to study, but it has to be done, sian.
Firstly i would like to congratulate everyone on completing their exams and entering the new era termed, " HOLIDAYS." Isn't it the best feeling in the world waking up the next morning realizing that you don't have to go to school? But then again from my past experiences without exams to study for i'll be a little lost with all that free time, like where's the meaning or goal/task for the day. Thus a simple solution is get a job! Recently been offered a few jobs posts such as a tuition teacher for A level maths, cook at Shangri La Restaurant and the Tempanyaki post at Sakura Downtown East. All of which are suitable post for temporary jobs just that army doesn't permit. Sadly. I have to find other means of getting in more cash flow, of which i did nor will i disclose.
It's been a hectic 2 weeks with army, studies and hanging out with mates for parties, birthdays and luncheons/dinners. Been meeting a lot of new people and making new friends lately which is cool, some actually share common friends which i find too coincidental which is scary on all accounts based on the way we initially met. Oh oh oh! I almost forgot, i find this damn stupid...
Last week was at a club with mates and i was hitting the beats on the dance floor as usual, then was dancing with random girls around me, nothing new right? practically normal. Then after a few songs i realized that one particular girl and her friend was staying with me throughout the songs. >>>>
Ok at this instance i'm like hey it's nothing, just someone keeps dancing don't worry about it. She starts getting too close and tries to kiss me.I stepped back knocking over a guy with a cigarette scalding my finger (it's gonna leave a tiny scar, bastards!), then i asked her,
Mark : " Hey WTF?"
Club Girl : " What? "
Mark : " What do you mean what? What the hell are you trying to do? "
Club Girl : " I find you yummy, i want to kiss you "
Mark : " Sorry love, i'm not into that kinda shit "
Club Girl : " Ok i'm sorry, can i hug you? "
Mark : " No you can't, hey i got to go, nice dance."
SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! I hate it when people think that guys will go for anything, it's not the first time i've been approached for a quicky in the toilet or a nearby hotel or the "bring me home" phrase. I'm not that type of guy mate, although my face looks like a bit of a bad boy LOL. Although i'm single in a way, doesn't mean i'm desperate zZz....
The last one week since then one of her friends has been sms-ing me too, asking me how's my day and meet for lunch etc etc. I didn't know this girl who we swapped numbers were friends with the crazy bitch, big mistake i think. Then that her birthday just passed so let's go out and do something......This is the kinda shit that gets me pissed of especially when someone i just met is asking me out constantly and messaging me stupid stupid sms's constantly sia. There's a way for it to be done, but either way i have a strict policy, i will go out with you as friends but definitely not date anyone i just met and especially from a club. I thought girls only get this kinda attention, i'm a guy lol, but hey the attention although unwanted is something different, take it as a bad experience. lol....
Okoko so i'm tired and i've had like 3-4 parties this week, one chalet later today (sunday) and another on tuesday. I don't think i'm going to any. I'm tired and need my rest, and eating this kidna food is bad!!!!
One of my friends is in hospital, she had a seizure and the last few days her condition got worse, she's now in ICU and i'm prob gonna go see her again tonight. It's sad though, why these things happen to unexpectedly and to those who are healthy. She's like an angel, and she's been coming over a few weeks back for swimming and tanning. I pray that things work out to be fine.....
Suddenly lost the mood to study, but it has to be done, sian.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Happy birthday my dear friend.
Growing up back over there was sometimes a bit tough but you were always there to keep me in shape. We were the best buds always there for one another. Leaving Australia was one of the hardest things i had to endure at one point especially leaving you behind. But for the last few years you have always been with me deep down. Sentimental and silly i know but i really miss you so much. Today's your birthday and i can't stop missing you. I will visit your parents when i visit and i'll buy you the loveliest flowers money can buy. Tears will never bring you back to this world but i know the love i have for you will last all eternity.
Take care love.
Yours Always
Mark Gidwani
040410 1925 Hrs
Take care love.
Yours Always
Mark Gidwani
040410 1925 Hrs
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